


losing grip on sinking ships

by galaxygerbil



Series: this tune of ours [2]
Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Aromantic, F/F, Freeform, Unconventional Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-07 14:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15221003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxygerbil/pseuds/galaxygerbil
Summary: …the only other option is to have the flowers surgically removed from one’s lungs, along with the feelings of romantic attraction or affection. Studies show that there is a 9.3% chance the patient will lose the ability to love anyone again after surgery.She waits patiently as Seulgi’s eyes peel away from the laptop; settling instead on the scrapbook beside them.It contained pressed petals in between the pages, one labeledFebruary 7 - Last Flower. The older lets out a breath, perhaps in disbelief, as she looks into the younger’s eyes in realization: that it was this option Joy chose.Or: Joy, Seulgi, and the aftermath of renouncing unrequited love.





	1. full disclosure

“You weren’t supposed to find out.”

Joy speaks almost too quietly. Seulgi gapes at her.

They’re in the middle of their shared living area, standing feet apart in a place that once bridged the gap between their bedrooms but now felt like the ocean pulling them apart.

“Why not? I could have helped you," Seulgi replies, frustrated, and it takes everything in the younger girl to not balk at the words.

Helped her? How exactly could she have helped when _she_ was the very reason—

 _Oh_ , Joy thinks. _She doesn’t know._

Right. All Seulgi knows is that Joy came to be her sole roommate more than a year ago, suddenly disappeared right as the second week of February this year kicked in, then came back in one piece and with no explanation.

It was only the scrapbook Seulgi was holding that gave her a clue.

Again, _oh_.

She shouldn’t have let the sentimentality get to her. _Damn it_ , she inwardly curses, trying to set the scrapbook on fire with her glare. Joy sighs and drags long fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose, a little exhausted, a lot scared.

Seulgi was everything, once upon a time, but now… now she was just another person, to Joy. Seulgi suddenly stopped being the sun her world revolved around. It was inexplicably jarring.

But then, isn’t that what she asked for? To stop feeling that way around Seulgi?

She avoids the older’s gaze. “You couldn’t have. Seulgi, you... You were the one I was in love with.”

Joy feels like she’s drowning— but she doesn’t know exactly in what. Seulgi just stands there as if she couldn’t believe the words that came out of the taller girl’s mouth.

“It was you that made me cough those flowers up.”

 

❀

 

 _The Hanahaki Disease..._ _cough up flowers..._ _unrequited love..._

The two read off the website together on the couch, Joy flinching at the terribly clinical and unsympathetic description of what she had gone through.

_...one way to cure this condition is for the unrequited love to be returned._

Seulgi stops and turns to face her, but Joy refuses to look back.

Instead she valiantly gazes ahead, at the television they bought together, at the calendar Joy painstakingly marks for the both of them, at the curtains Seulgi got in Joy’s favorite color— anything at all that wasn’t the girl beside her.

Joy doesn’t spare her a single glance, returning to the laptop to read until the older joins her again.

_...the only other option is to have the flowers surgically removed from one’s lungs, along with the feelings of romantic attraction or affection. Studies show that there is a 9.3% chance the patient will lose the ability to love anyone again after surgery._

She waits patiently as Seulgi’s eyes peel away from the laptop; settling instead on the scrapbook beside them.

It contained pressed petals in between the pages; one labeled _February 7 - Last Flower_. The older lets out a breath, perhaps in disbelief, as she looks into the younger’s eyes in realization: that it was this option Joy chose.

This time, Joy holds her ground and stares back.

“Sooyoung… I didn’t— “

“There’s nothing to say," Joy interrupts her, getting up and stepping away.

She gives one last look at the scrapbook. Seulgi probably needed it more than she did— to try and piece together all that happened under her nose. Joy just wanted to move on.

“It wasn’t your problem in the first place. And isn’t this better? We can both go about our lives normally.”

She doesn’t mention how there was no way Seulgi could love her back. And it was not because the smaller girl was against Joy’s bisexuality or anything of that nature; it was simply a fact. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Seulgi doesn’t love Joy that way.

Seulgi doesn’t love _anyone_ that way. She... can’t. It was just the way she was wired.

Joy made her decision with all existing considerations in mind. Seulgi should know this. Seulgi knows her _best_. Joy has never been one to blindly jump in. She is patient. A planner. A perfectionist through and through.

There is no room for mistakes, just like there is no room for regret.

 

❀❀❀

 

She needed a place to stay. That was how they came to meet.

Kang Seulgi, 24-year-old part-time bear-in-hibernation, part-time black hole for food.  
Full-time choreographer with extra space in her two bedroom apartment.

Park Sooyoung, 22-year-old part-time veterinary assistant, part-time dog trainer.  
Full-time femme fatale with, unbeknownst to either,  
extra space in her heart.

In retrospect, it made sense.

Seulgi was Seulgi, and Joy was Joy. They just fit.

Joy can’t recall ever signing a paper faster than she did  
the contract that made the two of them roommates;  
two pieces of a puzzle locking in place.

From that moment on, Joy could never be Joy without Seulgi;  
and neither could Seulgi be Seulgi without Joy.


	2. a river in egypt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to be interested in these types of things, I'd recommend listening to _Heavy Heart_ (2015) by Gabrielle Aplin as you read this chapter.

_“Still… I could have been there to bear the weight with you.”_

_“I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s in the past now.”_

_“Sooyoung — “_

_“No. Seulgi. You’re still you, and I’m still me. Correct?”_

_“...Y— yeah, I guess so.”_

_“Nothing’s changed.”_

_“Right. Of course, Sooyoung. Nothing’s changed.”_

 

 

❀❀❀

 

 

Something’s changed.

Joy frowns at her reflection, wondering if her eyes were well-equipped enough to look past her sharp features and zero in on whatever it was that was unsettling her.

 _Relax. Nothing is wrong_ , she tries to convince herself. Her date is waiting outside for their order as she grips the edges of the sink. _Relax_.

But something _is_ wrong. She feels it crawling in her veins — she just can’t name it.

Suddenly, the world is starting to shift. Some sort of sick, ugly feeling pools in her gut. It is both painfully heavy and pathetically weightless under her ribs; something akin to the vibrating hum of anticipation for a moment, except one hundred times worse because she knows there is nothing waiting for her on the other side. _Oh God, not now. Not now._

If anything, her thought process makes it worse. Sweat makes her hair stick to her gradually itching scalp and Joy desperately tries to fan herself before she starts puking.

 _You’ve got this_.

“Calm down, come on, _calm down_.” she harshly whispers to herself, biting her bottom lip in the hope that the pain will cause her floating psyche to get knocked back in place.

This has happened before, but not like this; not in the ladies’ bathroom at an expensive restaurant on a first date with a relative stranger.

Joy has always been one to nip a problem in the bud, and this one, whatever the hell it thinks it is and its strong grip on her, is no exception.

The woman turns the tap to wash her hands and cool the back of her neck, struggling to count the number of full rotations it takes for the faucet to reach its limit — _2… 2 and 1/4ths… 2 and a half_... — but trying anyway. She succeeds after a while, but just barely.

Her date nods at her when she returns to their table.

“Thank you for waiting.”

“Sure.”

Joy smiles politely as more wine is poured in her glass. Her date is beautiful, well-mannered, and kind. Not very talkative, which was fine by Joy. What more could she ask for in a person?

_So what's the problem?_

“Would it be alright if I called you unnie?”

“Of course, Sooyoung-ah.”

The dinner is amazing, food and company both. It’s almost a shame that it has to end so early, though Joy insisted they take a walk to burn all of what they just consumed.

“It's getting late. Want me to drive you back?”

“Oh, is it?” Joy remarks innocently, staying put on the bench by the park they decided to stop at. She looks up at the woman standing in front of her through long eyelashes. “I can stay a bit longer.”

The older woman looks amused, but also pleased. “Then… would you like to come over?”

Joy’s phone rings before she can answer, but she turns it off before her date can question it.

“I’d love to.”

_Nothing is wrong. Nothing has changed. Just go._

She decides then and there not to text her roommate her whereabouts for the evening, intent on the thought that _if I really am no longer in love with her, making Seulgi worry isn’t a problem_.

 

❀

 

She comes home just past 4AM to find Seulgi sprawled on the living room couch; Joy having ignored her _I’ll wait up for you_ text.

She spots it on the coffee table. Seems like everywhere Seulgi went, the scrapbook was with her. Joy brings a finger to flip through the pages, sighing all the while.

_The white Heather flower symbolises —_

Frustrated at feelings she cannot even begin to understand, Joy lets gravity pull her down and proceeds to sit on the floor with her back against the furniture Seulgi is currently nestled in.

In a different life, maybe she'd have settled on cuddling with the girl on the couch at this point in time, if nothing had changed. But everything has. There are barriers Joy has set up that aren't even fully concretized in her own mind, and she can't risk even _thinking_ about breaking them.

The surgery worked. She knows it did, because looking at Seulgi doesn't hurt anymore.

And yet something is still _wrong_. The panic that's fluttering in her chest is rising to the occasion and the only thing Joy wants to do is tug on Seulgi and have the older wrap her arms around her.

She won't. Because the surgery _worked_ , damn it. And she's not a child in need of comfort.

Neither of them are kids who can easily fit together on the couch. The soft cushions are not meant for two to lay in; just as Joy’s heart is no longer meant for Seulgi to own.

_The surgery worked. It worked, it worked, it worked._

 

❀

 

 **_(Unknown Number)_ ** _: Last night was fun._

 

_[ Contact has been saved. ]_

 

 **_Hot Unnie_ ** _: Would you like to see each other again? I can pick you up._

_How’s Thursday night sound?_

**_Hot Unnie_ ** _: Sounds perfect. See you then._

 

❀

 

Joy settles down in the living area, taking note of all the things in her bag at the same time.

“Sooyoung?”

She turns to spot Seulgi just coming out of her room, hair still wet from the shower. Joy can't hide the smile she feels spreading on her face when the sight doesn’t take her breath away.

“You're in a good mood. Did you have a nice night?”

Joy bites her lip, remembering a smaller frame hovering over her and sensual moans bouncing all over an unfamiliar but not unpleasant room instead of the desperation she felt while on the floor right before dawn broke. “You could say that.”

Seulgi chuckles, a bit awkwardly. “I know I asked, but… Gross.” she makes a face while Joy rolls her eyes.

“Sorry I didn't reply to your text. I was preoccupied.”

The older girl makes a face. “TMI. But, while you’re here…” she starts to say, and a cold feeling crawls its way up Joy’s spine when she sees Seulgi bring out the scrapbook before her. “I've been meaning to ask — “

“Don't.”

The older girl abruptly stops flipping through the pages, worried glance roaming over Joy’s frame. “Uh. Did I say something wrong?”

But Joy can't hear her; only her own weak cries as white flowers pour out of her lungs. The sound of the shower running to hide any noise, lest Seulgi become suspicious. The smell of blood.

“Sooyoung?“

The panic fluttering in her veins at the thought that she could very well _die_ from the flowers blooming in her chest. The ache in every breath. The longing for it to be all over.

“Sooyoung…” Seulgi starts, dropping the scrapbook in her haste to grab Joy’s shaking hands. Joy would feel guilty for the confusing feelings stirring within her gut but there’s nothing to say. Nothing will come out.

She knew she had no reason or right to be taking out misplaced frustration on Seulgi. The girl was her best friend. But if she kept on insisting on —

 _Fuck_. _What's wrong with me?_

Joy takes a breath, feeling Seulgi’s apprehension filling the atmosphere.

 _Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Nothing has changed_.

Joy stands abruptly. “I should get some air. Need anything?” she asks, shuffling through her things to bring. She was on her way out anyway.

 _It's fine, it's fine_.

“No, but — look, I'm sorry — “

Joy shakes her head. She wants to say that Seulgi shouldn’t be apologising for _anything_ , but the younger of the two is already walking out the door.

 

❀

 

_Can we make that tonight instead_

**_Hot Unnie_ ** _: I'm free. Pick you up in 30 minutes?_

Joy immediately answers _yes, please_ to the next few text messages of the same content over the next few weeks.

She thought it would be more difficult avoiding Seulgi than this, but finds that it isn't. And she doesn't know what it means or what she’s supposed to do about it.

 

❀

 

_“And this will be your room. Sorry. I just moved all the stuff out, so it’s kinda… yeah.” she gestures vaguely to the newspapers thrown about._

_Joy spins around, delighted at all the space. “I didn’t come here expecting you to buy furniture for me.” she says, looking at the empty room. “The rest of the place already looks homey! Can’t wait to do the same here.”_

_Seulgi smiles, eyes turning into crescents. “I wouldn’t mind helping! We are roommates from now on, after all. And uh, you can call me Seulgi, Park Sooyoung-sshi.” she mumbles softly._

_“Then you can call me Sooyoung.” Joy says brightly. “I’m afraid I don’t have enough time to buy the things I need, though.”_

_“Oh! You can sleep in my room for now. I’ve still got work to do.”_

_Joy looks at her weirdly. “Are you sure you want to do that? We’ve only just met and all…”_

_The older girl looks embarrassed for suggesting it, but not regretful, and Joy almost smacks herself for being rude._

_“I mean! Thanks a lot for the offer, but — “_

_“No, I insist! I don’t have a mattress to lend you and I know you’ve no other place to — “_

_“The couch is just fine — “_

_“ — I need to stay up all night anyway — “_

_“ — seriously, I don’t mind — “_

_“I’ll make a lot of noise when I inevitably go to the kitchen and just, err, please. I insist. It’ll be easier this way.” Seulgi cuts her off again, and Joy is kind of breathless with how weirdly endearing it is._

_“Alright, fine. But that just means I owe you a night’s sleep in my room too. No objections.”_

_Seulgi laughs and Joy does too, the air around them falling into some kind of perfect place. “No objections from me, then.”_

 

❀

 

“Is something bothering you?”

Joy tugs the bed sheets higher to cover her up to her neck. “No.”

A soft hand and softer fingers make their way towards her face, caressing at a cheek before easing her creased brows to lay smooth once again.

The older woman hums, nuzzling into Joy’s slender neck; breath fanning the space they share.

“If you say so. I think whatever it is, you’re thinking too much for your own good.”

Joy pouts. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks, baby talking as she blows some air out of her face. The woman curled into her laughs, sound wafting through the air different than Seulgi’s.

For once, Joy’s chest doesn’t ache when she thinks of her roommate.

“You know what else I think?” the other woman teases, planting butterfly kisses into the expanse of skin laid bare before her.

Joy’s back arches into soft lips, and she struggles not to moan and sink deeper into whatever this arrangement was, between one dinner date and the more regular mind-blowing sex. “Hmm?” she drawls, hiding a gasp at gentle nips across her chest.

“I think you should start calling me by my name.”

She feels herself smirking, and can tell it’s attractive by the way her partner’s pupils get blown a deep, inky black. “ _Make me_.”

 

❀

 

“What are you doing here?”

Seulgi looks a little lost in the middle of the small clinic Joy worked at, but her eyes were crescents as soon as they settled on Joy.

“Hey! I was thinking we could grab lunch together?”

Joy moves to ask her boss, but the man urged her on with a shooing motion, saying, _go ahead and have fun, Sooyoung_ , and so all she does is shrug and go with the older girl.

The dance studio was only two blocks from Joy’s clinic, but that didn’t mean that Seulgi came by often. Usually, it was Joy who did; sneaking her way into Seulgi’s studio with a smile and wink at everyone she came by.

She remembered evenings pulling out the older girl from the building and convincing her to have dinner after a long day, and Seulgi would humor her and repay the act by giving small gifts in the form of tiny stuffed duck toys that Joy would be delighted at receiving.

She missed that.

“So what’s the deal?” Joy asks when they’re seated at a two-person booth in a nearby diner, Joy ordering a milkshake to go with her chicken and Seulgi grinning all the while.

“Uh. Nothing,” Seulgi says, cracking her knuckles nervously.

Joy watches her long fingers with apprehension; waiting for Seulgi to say something; anything.

“It’s just… We haven’t been spending that much time together recently, that’s all. I thought I’d reach out.”

Something is gurgling beneath Joy’s skin at that. It was true; they haven’t been spending their off-days and nights together lately, but it wasn’t entirely Joy’s fault.

Seulgi’s off-days have been becoming fewer and fewer these days; and Joy’s nights were spent at… someone else’s apartment. By her choice.

Seulgi bites her lip, and Joy observes how her heart doesn’t skip a beat, relieved. “We just used to be closer than this. I was… just hoping that it wouldn’t change.”

“Of course.” Joy is a little too quick to reply. “Nothing’s changed. I’m sorry I haven’t been present that much lately.”

“It’s okay.” the older smiles brightly. “You’re here now. It's okay.”

Joy keeps quiet as their food is delivered to their table, unsure of what to say. She didn’t feel _fully_ here, but she can’t articulate it.

The world is different somehow; like everything has shifted three inches to the left and she’s always off-balance nowadays. She doesn’t understand it. She doesn’t think she’s ever going to, and that was a worry she didn’t want the older to have.

She thinks Seulgi forgets about it in the presence of a meal, but apparently not. The older looks up at her, smile reaching her eyes.

“Right? You’re here with me now.”

“Yes. Completely.” Joy lies.

 

❀

 

_I can't meet with you this week._

 

❀

 

Joy didn't know who she was trying to convince that everything was normal — Seulgi, Seulgi’s brother and his girlfriend, or herself.

“This is really good.” Seulgi says from beside her at the dining table.

Her brother raises a brow. “It’s take-out.”

“Oh.”

His girlfriend clears her throat, possibly feeling more embarrassed and awkward than Joy is, but most probably not. “So, um, I don’t think I got to thank you enough, Park Sooyoung-sshi. I know it’s last minute and all, but we had nowhere else to go and it’s a long drive back.”

Joy smiles. “Oh yeah, sure, no problem. I was surprised that your B&B cancelled, though.”

“That’s what you get for not having friends you can count on.” Seulgi says pompously, smirking at her brother’s predicament.

He scowls. “Not everyone can be like you and Sooyoung-ah.”

 _Wow, she walked us straight into that one,_ Joy thinks, cringing from putting up a smile as Seulgi freezes up beside her. “Hah, yeah, sure.” the youngest out of all of them replies.

“Right?” he insists, elbowing his girlfriend’s side. “They don’t even mind sleeping in the _same bed_. Isn’t that just so sweet of two _friends_.”

The table jumps a little while he grunts and massages a leg, glaring at Seulgi. At the same time, Joy feels her hackles rise, for some reason. “On second thought, oppa, I don’t think the couch is even habitable. You’re better off sleeping on the floor outside the apartment.” Seulgi growls out, chicken on her plate forgotten.

Joy does the only normal thing she can do in this situation and grabs a bite. “Yum! Well, now that the sleeping arrangements and whatnot are settled, I’ll just put this away and go to bed.” she stands up to do just that, Seulgi looking at her now empty plate in shock and the couple across her hiding their laughs.

She bids them good night when she enters her bedroom, but something makes her pause in the doorway; a teddy bear placed in the middle of her bed. She hears them trying to be quiet outside, but, unfortunately for the Kangs, they're especially loud when they don't want to be.

“Denial looks awful on you, by the way.” Seulgi’s brother says, lightly but seriously, from the dining room area.

“It’s really not that.” Seulgi replies, honestly, but uselessly.

Joy’s hand on the door frame of her bedroom drops to her side. Something deep and heavy has a vice-like grip on her lungs, and suddenly, Joy doesn't think the worst experience in the world was to drown in flowers and her own blood. It was _this_.

“Still awake?” Joy hears Seulgi ask later in her bedroom, so quietly the words barely rumble out of her. The older girl had already showered and changed into sleepwear.

Joy moves to sit up her bed but voices out her answer anyway, because the lights are off and all she can see is Seulgi’s silhouette. “Yeah.” She hears more than watches Seulgi place her change of clothes for the next day on Joy’s nightstand; the taller girl moving aside to give space for Seulgi to crawl into.

“Remember when I told you I owed you one and had to let you sleep in my bed too, one of these days?”

The older pauses. “Yeah?” she says unsurely.

“I guess this is you cashing it out, huh.”

Seulgi laughs, but it sounds a little broken. Joy doesn’t know what else to say.

It’s when they’re curled in and facing each other, the younger girl feeling Seulgi’s minty breath against her lips that she realizes just how much her bed is really only meant for one.

“Are you uncomfortable? I can sleep on the floor no problem.” the older girl whispers, the phantom feeling of her lips an inch away haunting Joy’s thoughts like a ghost.

 _Am I?_ Joy asks herself. It feels like her hold and understanding of her feelings is slipping through her fingers at a rate she can’t fight or react to. Since when had it been like this? Being around Seulgi feels horribly awkward more than pleasant, and she can’t remember being more confused.

 _The surgery worked_ , she thinks, bringing a hand over her heart and staring deeply into eyes she’s always been lost in. _It has to have worked._

Joy sighs, and if she weren’t hyper-aware of everything that Seulgi is, she would’ve missed the older girl’s shudder. But she is, and she does. And just as with everything else, she has no idea what to do about it.

 

❀

 

 **_Hot Unnie_ ** _: No problem._

 

❀

 

“Thanks for patronizing oppa and his girlfriend.”

“Mmm.”

Seulgi picks up her things quietly and carefully, as if walking on eggshells. Joy doesn’t blame her. Instead of commenting, she makes her way to the scrapbook by her desk, opening it up to see the latest page filled by Seulgi’s hand, containing the information they researched together the first time Seulgi saw this blasted thing.

Joy remembers silent screaming and her clammy hands against the bathroom tiles, but this time she doesn’t stop the afterimages of desperation and fear.

 _It did work_ , she thinks, lifting her eyes to look at Seulgi; whose worried glance at her was an expression she could only respond to with a blank face.

— _the only other option is to have the flowers —_

Joy watches Seulgi’s brows furrow as the other stares at her warily, aware of her reaction last time. The younger can remember wanting to massage the skin smooth while with an ache in her heart, knowing that the older could never feel the same.

She recalls days when Seulgi had been too tired, too stressed, but always leaned on Joy; while Joy’s heart was ready to burst with affection. Moments where all she wanted to do was run her fingers through Seulgi’s hair, releasing it from its bun and pull her in close to kiss tempting lips.

Now, she just...  

— _removed from one’s lungs, along with the feelings of —_

Her phone starts ringing and both their eyes snap towards it in attention; the name on display making Joy blink in surprise.

It was unnie, texting to ask when she could see her again.

Joy thought about it. Unnie looked after her wants and needs; always respecting her space. Always adjusting her time to see her. Always keeping her in mind, even when she should have been too busy with work. Joy should have felt giddy when she'd touch her face softly; whispering _Sooyoung-ah_ in sultry voice. She was better than anything Joy could have wished for. She should have felt herself falling, falling, falling.

But she didn't. She doesn't feel _anything_.

— _Studies show that there is a 9.3% chance the —_

“Hey, look at me.” Seulgi speaks with demand and finality, and Joy notices she’s stopped to look past the older girl’s shoulder instead, at the soft green hue of her walls that Seulgi helped her paint.

Joy knows she can't give Seulgi what she wants yet. The answers to the older’s questions are currently ones that are out of her grasp, but she’s desperately reaching for them the same time Seulgi is reaching for her.

The older girl’s hand makes a grab for Joy’s wrist, and she’s successful. “Hmm?” Joy responds, distracted; her brain going a million miles per second, flashing all the accumulated information she’d gotten from online sources on the disease she’d had cured.

— _surgically removed from one’s lungs, along with the feelings of romantic attraction or affection. Studies show that —_

Joy's eyes drag slowly from her phone to her hand, Seulgi’s grip tight. This is what will push her over the edge, she thinks. She feels the physical consequences of being held onto so tightly and yet no _emotional_ —  

_— Studies show that there is a 9.3% chance the patient will lose the ability to love anyone again after surgery._

_The surgery worked_. Joy lets out a breath, looking at Seulgi and hearing her heart beat its steady pace, and she calmly pulls her wrist away; Seulgi’s fingers trailing after. The older girl stares at her in bafflement.

“Sooyoung, what's gotten into you? Is this about —  I thought nothing changed?”

She laughs in response and it kind of sounds like breaking glass. She feels frustrated, sad, and maybe even angry. Why did this have to happen to _her_ of all people? Seulgi deserved better than the trainwreck that she is.

“90.7% should’ve been enough. Nine out of ten chances.” Joy spits out.

“Wh — “

9.3%, 9.3%, 9.3%. The number is haunting, but even more so was her realization. That Joy’s luck fell on the side of those odds, falling just short of the 90.7% that could have set her free.

9.3% chance the patient will lose the ability to love anyone post-surgery… and Joy was now part of this statistic.

The sickening feeling in her gut dissipates into nothingness.

She can no longer feel romantic affection. Not towards Seulgi, not towards unnie, not towards _anyone_. Ever again.

“We were wrong, Seulgi.” she says bitterly.

“What are you talking about?”

“Everything’s changed.” Joy says, slowly walking towards the door. Escaping from Seulgi. Her room. The reality of it all. The fact that the surgery — it worked, it worked, it  _worked_.

But maybe a little too well.

 

❀❀❀

 

_Thanks for your time. Sorry it couldn't work out between us_

**_Hot Unnie_ ** _: It's alright, just glad you talked to me in person._

_Yeah… thanks again, unnie_

**_Hot Unnie_ ** _: I told you, we’re past honorifics. Think about what I said, though._

_I know. And yes, I’ll think about it._

_[ Contact name has been changed. ]_

**_Irene_ ** _: Then I hope to hear from you soon, Sooyoung-ah._

 

Joy closes her eyes and lets out a sigh, heart thrumming in her chest as she sits alone in the middle of their living room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... I think I just started a big _monster_ project without meaning to, in this fic… Forgive me? (ㄒoㄒ)
> 
> Just finished an academic essay and my brain needed a break. This has been edited multiple times, but there is still a huge chance that there are typographical errors entirely due to me and my laziness when it comes to proofreading. Oops. Also I did this on a school computer lmao.
> 
> Until next time,  
> ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ


End file.
